For the first time since my accident, I manage to walk with an almost normal gait. My leg feels lighter and the good news was to show off my improved skills to my hiking friend who paid me a longer visit today. She noticed right away and it filled me with hope.
The weather has turned spring like, here in the foothills,and although snow is still blanketing the top of the mountains, the grass is green and the daffodils are all in bloom.
I can't wait to go to the nursery and get new plants!
Wanda told me about her hiking plans for the summer. She is planning Half Dome again but she will camp on the way up since a good friend, who has never hiked that far, will accompany her. I wish I could do it again. I have no idea when I will be capable to walk the mile loop around our local lake so Half Dome? My consolation is that the last time I hiked it, it was under the moon light.
And nobody needed a daily pass then to reach the top of the most infamous peak in Yosemite.
Monday, February 28, 2011
Sunday, February 27, 2011
February 27th, 2011
I spent most of yesterday trying to extend my knee and relax the muscle about the knee. I had worked so hard at flexing that knee that the muscles were as sore as if I had hiked Half Dome.
Since I’m a sucker for the Academy Awards (nobody is perfect), I took the opportunity to take off my brace and massage my knee, trying to release as much pressure as possible.
It must have worked because I feel much better this morning. I did my exercises but tried to do them with a more relaxed leg so the extension would be greater.
Since I only have one PT session on Thursday, my goals until then are:
1- to walk as fluidly as possible
2- to flex and extend my knee every hour
Wish me luck!
Since I’m a sucker for the Academy Awards (nobody is perfect), I took the opportunity to take off my brace and massage my knee, trying to release as much pressure as possible.
It must have worked because I feel much better this morning. I did my exercises but tried to do them with a more relaxed leg so the extension would be greater.
Since I only have one PT session on Thursday, my goals until then are:
1- to walk as fluidly as possible
2- to flex and extend my knee every hour
Wish me luck!
Saturday, February 26, 2011
February 26th, 2011
I wake up early but sun is already peeking through my bedroom curtains. A beautiful California winter day. The kind of day for a hike in the foothills with a good friend.
Aaarrhhh!
Despite the optimistic news I received today, I know a hike is out of question so I cuddle a little longer in my warm bed until 9:00 am.
I take my breakfast alone. My husband is gone for the day, taking care of business long neglected because of my knee. My two kids are still asleep so I do my exercises while music plays quietly in the background.
It is a lovely winter morning and snow shines in the distance. I long for the mountains. The call is hard to resist for me but for now, I enjoy the memories and the anticipation of the day I will stand on my two feet.
This is hope and today I am full of it.
Aaarrhhh!
Despite the optimistic news I received today, I know a hike is out of question so I cuddle a little longer in my warm bed until 9:00 am.
I take my breakfast alone. My husband is gone for the day, taking care of business long neglected because of my knee. My two kids are still asleep so I do my exercises while music plays quietly in the background.
It is a lovely winter morning and snow shines in the distance. I long for the mountains. The call is hard to resist for me but for now, I enjoy the memories and the anticipation of the day I will stand on my two feet.
This is hope and today I am full of it.
Friday, February 25, 2011
February 25th, 2011
Snow is expected to fall anytime tonight as low as 1 000 feet but so far it is rain that beats the windows and wind that bends the eucalyptus and the cypresses.
My husband invites me for lunch before my physical therapy appointment. We go to the Patio Café which remains one of our favorites in town. Never too crowded and always friendly. Perfect for breakfast and lunch. Since the weather is awful and we have a small hour to kill before my meeting, my husband insists to buy me a new computer.
I have been resisting until now, arguing that I would do it as soon as an agent or an editor would say yes to one of my manuscripts. My husband probably suspects that Apple will have a few more models out before it happens, so here we are at the Apple store at the mall.
Rain has stopped and the mall parking lot is full. We can’t find a spot close to the entrance and the walk from the car to the store is slow and hurtful. Yet as I check the computers on the long tables, I forget I’m disabled.
Mac Book Pro or Mac Book Air? That is the question.
In the end, the café/library/sofa/car person I am, pick the lightest and leave the store with a brand new computer. I have officially joined the ranks of the Apple fans and my family feels more homogenous since I was the last dinosaur to work on a PC. That is the first good news of the day.
The second is that my MPT gives my knee a nice pat. I have reached a good flexibility for the bending part. The muscles above my knee are sore because of the trauma my knee went through. There is natural resistance inside and the muscles in response contract. The MPT massages the area or more accurately pushes and presses the flesh and muscle to the point of pain. But in the end, my muscles start to relax. I get new instructions to fight against the contraction. I have to breathe through the extension and flexion of the knee.
Then I get to do some leg press on a machine. It’s only 20 lbs but it feels so good to be on a gym machine, next to the people who are already so much ahead of me.
Before I leave, my MPT says that he is confident I’ll get a good report from the surgeon mid March. There is a chance, he says, he’ll let you go without a leg brace.
What? What if my leg collapses? What if I’m too weak to hold my weight? That makes him laugh. No way, he says.
So I guess now is time to rejoice.
The only bad news of the day is that the expected snow hasn’t arrived. But this is weather forecast, after all. Who said it’s ever correct?
My husband invites me for lunch before my physical therapy appointment. We go to the Patio Café which remains one of our favorites in town. Never too crowded and always friendly. Perfect for breakfast and lunch. Since the weather is awful and we have a small hour to kill before my meeting, my husband insists to buy me a new computer.
I have been resisting until now, arguing that I would do it as soon as an agent or an editor would say yes to one of my manuscripts. My husband probably suspects that Apple will have a few more models out before it happens, so here we are at the Apple store at the mall.
Rain has stopped and the mall parking lot is full. We can’t find a spot close to the entrance and the walk from the car to the store is slow and hurtful. Yet as I check the computers on the long tables, I forget I’m disabled.
Mac Book Pro or Mac Book Air? That is the question.
In the end, the café/library/sofa/car person I am, pick the lightest and leave the store with a brand new computer. I have officially joined the ranks of the Apple fans and my family feels more homogenous since I was the last dinosaur to work on a PC. That is the first good news of the day.
The second is that my MPT gives my knee a nice pat. I have reached a good flexibility for the bending part. The muscles above my knee are sore because of the trauma my knee went through. There is natural resistance inside and the muscles in response contract. The MPT massages the area or more accurately pushes and presses the flesh and muscle to the point of pain. But in the end, my muscles start to relax. I get new instructions to fight against the contraction. I have to breathe through the extension and flexion of the knee.
Then I get to do some leg press on a machine. It’s only 20 lbs but it feels so good to be on a gym machine, next to the people who are already so much ahead of me.
Before I leave, my MPT says that he is confident I’ll get a good report from the surgeon mid March. There is a chance, he says, he’ll let you go without a leg brace.
What? What if my leg collapses? What if I’m too weak to hold my weight? That makes him laugh. No way, he says.
So I guess now is time to rejoice.
The only bad news of the day is that the expected snow hasn’t arrived. But this is weather forecast, after all. Who said it’s ever correct?
Thursday, February 24, 2011
February 24th, 2011
Exactly four weeks ago, I was having surgery.
I’d like to walk without a brace of course but I must say that I feel 200% times better than I did four weeks ago or even three weeks ago. Progress is slow but there.
The sun is warm here in the foothills. A storm is announced for this Saturday. Hard to believe when I see the daffodils poking their shy but determined green stems. Some of them are already in bloom. I hope too much rain won’t damage them. If it snows, they will die.
We got snow early spring a couple of years ago and I lost some plants and the daffodils.
I go grocery shopping today with my husband and it is nice to walk around the aisles without a crutch. I push the cart so it gives me some support and since I can bend my knee a little, I can use the bottom rack of the cart to rest my leg while my husband shops for a good steak for tonight.
I did my exercises this morning and iced my knee before shopping. I am doing so much better with the dangle of my knees which is funny since it was my most disliked exercise for the longest time. I feel some tenderness in my lower leg when the shopping is done and remove my brace in the car while my husband loads the trunk.
Back home, I help him to put the groceries away and then I ice my knee. I feel already better.
My mom calls and it’s nice to get to talk with her. I guess she’d like to see how I’m doing. It’s the hardest part when you leave your native country. Not being able to stop by and see how your family is doing.
We have a late sushi lunch and it’s time to get the kids from school. Tomorrow there is the annual high school performing art show at the Saroyan Theater. I was supposed to be in charge of the show with a good friend of mine but of course I had to bail out. I’m disappointed but tomorrow I don’t want to miss my two kids on stage.
I’m already thinking of my clothes. It’s a challenge to be stylish with a leg brace. I’m hesitating between wearing the brace above or under my pants. I have two pairs of wide legs black pants that should work and I could pick a cropped jacket to match. I still have my trusty black Nike sweatpants of course.
But again, French women don’t go to the show wearing sweat pants. Even when they are black.
I’d like to walk without a brace of course but I must say that I feel 200% times better than I did four weeks ago or even three weeks ago. Progress is slow but there.
The sun is warm here in the foothills. A storm is announced for this Saturday. Hard to believe when I see the daffodils poking their shy but determined green stems. Some of them are already in bloom. I hope too much rain won’t damage them. If it snows, they will die.
We got snow early spring a couple of years ago and I lost some plants and the daffodils.
I go grocery shopping today with my husband and it is nice to walk around the aisles without a crutch. I push the cart so it gives me some support and since I can bend my knee a little, I can use the bottom rack of the cart to rest my leg while my husband shops for a good steak for tonight.
I did my exercises this morning and iced my knee before shopping. I am doing so much better with the dangle of my knees which is funny since it was my most disliked exercise for the longest time. I feel some tenderness in my lower leg when the shopping is done and remove my brace in the car while my husband loads the trunk.
Back home, I help him to put the groceries away and then I ice my knee. I feel already better.
My mom calls and it’s nice to get to talk with her. I guess she’d like to see how I’m doing. It’s the hardest part when you leave your native country. Not being able to stop by and see how your family is doing.
We have a late sushi lunch and it’s time to get the kids from school. Tomorrow there is the annual high school performing art show at the Saroyan Theater. I was supposed to be in charge of the show with a good friend of mine but of course I had to bail out. I’m disappointed but tomorrow I don’t want to miss my two kids on stage.
I’m already thinking of my clothes. It’s a challenge to be stylish with a leg brace. I’m hesitating between wearing the brace above or under my pants. I have two pairs of wide legs black pants that should work and I could pick a cropped jacket to match. I still have my trusty black Nike sweatpants of course.
But again, French women don’t go to the show wearing sweat pants. Even when they are black.
Monday, February 21, 2011
February 21st ,2011
PT at 2:00 pm today. I am proud to announce that my knee bends better but disappointed to walk like a wimp. I am reassured when the PT tells me that for a mysterious reason, my brace has been locked. That explains my difficulties to walk!
I have a new exercise to perform besides the classics that I master like a pro. Standing in front of a mirror, I must imitate with my injured leg the natural movement of my right leg when I walk. Easy to say, challenging to do. Since I walk (fifteen months old said my mom), I never thought of what my legs were doing when they walk. Who does? Well, now it counts and believe me, most things we take for granted are the most difficult to do when injured.
The good news is that when the flexion of my knee is measured, I have reached 90%. I suppose I should be happy but I hoped for more. The effort to reach that meager magic number was far greater. Darn!
I have a new exercise to perform besides the classics that I master like a pro. Standing in front of a mirror, I must imitate with my injured leg the natural movement of my right leg when I walk. Easy to say, challenging to do. Since I walk (fifteen months old said my mom), I never thought of what my legs were doing when they walk. Who does? Well, now it counts and believe me, most things we take for granted are the most difficult to do when injured.
The good news is that when the flexion of my knee is measured, I have reached 90%. I suppose I should be happy but I hoped for more. The effort to reach that meager magic number was far greater. Darn!
Saturday, February 19, 2011
February 19th, 2001
I go through the usual ups and downs.
This is President Day weekend and my son goes to LA today to see a musical with his school. The weather has changed over night. It is colder despite some sun and a blue sky. I hope the Grape Vine won’t close. There is talk of snow below 3 500 feet.
I slept okay last night, waking up at the sound of the rain beating the bathroom skylight. I also felt tension in my leg, no doubt due to the many exercises I performed yesterday.
Today I am taking it easy. I need to write my regular blog and finish a revision on another manuscript requested by the agent who rejected the one I sent. Her comments were excellent yet she didn’t take it. I have to give serious thoughts to my writing goals. The market is more competitive than ever and it is harder for agents to sell projects from new writers to the demanding editors.
Snow has reached the foothills and I can almost touch it from the kitchen window.
This is President Day weekend and my son goes to LA today to see a musical with his school. The weather has changed over night. It is colder despite some sun and a blue sky. I hope the Grape Vine won’t close. There is talk of snow below 3 500 feet.
I slept okay last night, waking up at the sound of the rain beating the bathroom skylight. I also felt tension in my leg, no doubt due to the many exercises I performed yesterday.
Today I am taking it easy. I need to write my regular blog and finish a revision on another manuscript requested by the agent who rejected the one I sent. Her comments were excellent yet she didn’t take it. I have to give serious thoughts to my writing goals. The market is more competitive than ever and it is harder for agents to sell projects from new writers to the demanding editors.
Snow has reached the foothills and I can almost touch it from the kitchen window.
Thursday, February 17, 2011
February 17th, 2011
My hiking buddy Wanda visited me yesterday. It was so nice to see her. She told me about a new hike she’d like us to do together in the fall if I’m well enough.
She and her son have started this crazy list of Yosemite summits that they want to climb. Since the seasons rule our beloved park, our time outdoors is limited. As for me, it is even more limited now. I already said goodbye to my yearly spring hike. But I keep my fingers crossed for a nice and easy fall hike.
Wanda said that I should be fine for North Dome, a canyon off Half Dome. It’s only a seven miles round hike and the trail can be reached after Tioga Pass which is good since it means started at a good elevation.
As she spoke, the familiar pre hike excitement tingled inside me, and I enjoyed the anticipation as if my legs could carry me right away.
I spend a much better night. I still wake up three times before the alarm clock but I am able to fall right back to sleep. My husband brings me a cup of tea before driving the kids to school. I’ve learned to enjoy small pleasures. A cup of tea at 6:30 am and a good book, both enjoyed under a warm comforter and a dimmed nightstand’s lamp while the rest of the world is waking up, are among the most delicious moments of life.
After icing my leg, I eat my breakfast and I take a shower. I am now able to enter and leave the shower stall without help. The only issue is the brace on my leg. It can’t go under water, so I still need someone to pass me a towel to pat my leg before putting the brace on. They should make a special one for showers.
Then I do my exercises and check my e-mail. I am now waiting from the agent who has requested one of my recent manuscripts. .
I have physical therapy early afternoon. One exercise has been added to the series of exercises I have since the surgery. Using wood or tiled floor, I need to slide my bent leg until I reach pain or strong resistance. The goal is to regain flexibility in the knee for my check up with the surgeon on March 14th. I must also walk as much as possible at home, concentrating on my gait. I must reach the most natural gait, the one I had before I tore my two ligaments.
She and her son have started this crazy list of Yosemite summits that they want to climb. Since the seasons rule our beloved park, our time outdoors is limited. As for me, it is even more limited now. I already said goodbye to my yearly spring hike. But I keep my fingers crossed for a nice and easy fall hike.
Wanda said that I should be fine for North Dome, a canyon off Half Dome. It’s only a seven miles round hike and the trail can be reached after Tioga Pass which is good since it means started at a good elevation.
As she spoke, the familiar pre hike excitement tingled inside me, and I enjoyed the anticipation as if my legs could carry me right away.
I spend a much better night. I still wake up three times before the alarm clock but I am able to fall right back to sleep. My husband brings me a cup of tea before driving the kids to school. I’ve learned to enjoy small pleasures. A cup of tea at 6:30 am and a good book, both enjoyed under a warm comforter and a dimmed nightstand’s lamp while the rest of the world is waking up, are among the most delicious moments of life.
After icing my leg, I eat my breakfast and I take a shower. I am now able to enter and leave the shower stall without help. The only issue is the brace on my leg. It can’t go under water, so I still need someone to pass me a towel to pat my leg before putting the brace on. They should make a special one for showers.
Then I do my exercises and check my e-mail. I am now waiting from the agent who has requested one of my recent manuscripts. .
I have physical therapy early afternoon. One exercise has been added to the series of exercises I have since the surgery. Using wood or tiled floor, I need to slide my bent leg until I reach pain or strong resistance. The goal is to regain flexibility in the knee for my check up with the surgeon on March 14th. I must also walk as much as possible at home, concentrating on my gait. I must reach the most natural gait, the one I had before I tore my two ligaments.
Wednesday, February 16, 2011
February 16th, 2011
When we are ill or injured, we follow doctors’ orders but we also find our ways to ease the pain. Mine are quite simple but I found out that I sleep better with my brace on and my leg elevated with a pillow that I stuck before falling asleep under my lower leg. The night was stormy but I’m the only one who didn’t wake up. I slept through the wind and rain and although I woke up sooner than I wished around 4:45am, I realized I had slept rather well.
It makes such a huge difference because I am able to read in bed for an hour while my husband gets the kids ready for school. They leave before seven under strong gusts of wind. I stay in bed until eight, relishing the warmth of my comforter as the rain slaps against the windows. I ice my knee and take my breakfast with music on. The tall pine trees and even the palm trees bend under the wind. Snow will fall in elevation, no doubt.
I unload the dishwasher, no small task for a limping woman. I have unloaded countless dishwashers as I was on the phone and getting four kids ready for elementary, middle and high school. Now, such a thing is impossible. I’ve stopped being a multitasked woman.
My hiking buddy is visiting me this afternoon right after her day at school is over. I bet she’ll be hungry so I bake lemon bars. Okay, from a mix which is such a heresy for the baker I am. But extraordinary circumstances call for unusual help, right?
In between, I manage to make my bed, clean the counters, and drink a cup of coffee. My eleventh grade daughter enjoys taking a mug for her hour long commute to high school so there is always fresh coffee in the pot when I emerge from my slow routine.
I do my exercises which become easier each day. The most difficult remains the thigh quad. I must contract my muscle for five seconds while I press my knee down against a rolled towel I place under my knee. It is the hardest thing to do. To help me I do the same with my other leg and also I squeeze my buttocks which seem to help a little. But this is by far the most difficult exercise. I am naturally flexible so I have no issue with the hamstring exercise which I must still do twice a day. 25 repetitions twice with extension of the injured leg while the good one is on the floor. Then, I have to bring my chest toward my leg until I reach a stretch behind my thigh. It’s important to avoid stretching the lower back. I do the dangle of my knees, sitting on the bar stool. The extension is better and I want to believe that the flexion is too although I can’t bend my knee very far. My goal for tomorrow is to reach 100 degrees. I was barely above 70 on Monday.
When I’m finished, I sponge bath since I am alone and dress. I use a lot of lotion for my legs as my skin has become a little drier which has never happened to me until now. I check my e-mail while my lemon bars are baking.
I am alone until 2:00 pm when my friend shows up. Until then, I keep a strict routine alternating dangle of my knees and icing.
I’m naturally pretty disciplined and I suppose it helps.
It makes such a huge difference because I am able to read in bed for an hour while my husband gets the kids ready for school. They leave before seven under strong gusts of wind. I stay in bed until eight, relishing the warmth of my comforter as the rain slaps against the windows. I ice my knee and take my breakfast with music on. The tall pine trees and even the palm trees bend under the wind. Snow will fall in elevation, no doubt.
I unload the dishwasher, no small task for a limping woman. I have unloaded countless dishwashers as I was on the phone and getting four kids ready for elementary, middle and high school. Now, such a thing is impossible. I’ve stopped being a multitasked woman.
My hiking buddy is visiting me this afternoon right after her day at school is over. I bet she’ll be hungry so I bake lemon bars. Okay, from a mix which is such a heresy for the baker I am. But extraordinary circumstances call for unusual help, right?
In between, I manage to make my bed, clean the counters, and drink a cup of coffee. My eleventh grade daughter enjoys taking a mug for her hour long commute to high school so there is always fresh coffee in the pot when I emerge from my slow routine.
I do my exercises which become easier each day. The most difficult remains the thigh quad. I must contract my muscle for five seconds while I press my knee down against a rolled towel I place under my knee. It is the hardest thing to do. To help me I do the same with my other leg and also I squeeze my buttocks which seem to help a little. But this is by far the most difficult exercise. I am naturally flexible so I have no issue with the hamstring exercise which I must still do twice a day. 25 repetitions twice with extension of the injured leg while the good one is on the floor. Then, I have to bring my chest toward my leg until I reach a stretch behind my thigh. It’s important to avoid stretching the lower back. I do the dangle of my knees, sitting on the bar stool. The extension is better and I want to believe that the flexion is too although I can’t bend my knee very far. My goal for tomorrow is to reach 100 degrees. I was barely above 70 on Monday.
When I’m finished, I sponge bath since I am alone and dress. I use a lot of lotion for my legs as my skin has become a little drier which has never happened to me until now. I check my e-mail while my lemon bars are baking.
I am alone until 2:00 pm when my friend shows up. Until then, I keep a strict routine alternating dangle of my knees and icing.
I’m naturally pretty disciplined and I suppose it helps.
Tuesday, February 15, 2011
February 15th, 2011
One of the most difficult nights ever leaves me tired and a little discouraged. But I know that the pain I experienced during the night is due to the physical therapy. The pain started from my feet to my groin, no doubt the result of the stretching of my calf and hip.
I manage to walk to the kitchen and ice my knee, buried under a fleece blanket. It’s 8:00 a.m. and I want to go to bed but I won’t do it.
My husband makes me breakfast and I take a shower. I do my series of exercises and I check my e-mail before going to town for some grocery shopping. I accompany my husband for a little while and decide to wait at the Peet’s café. The pain in the back of my leg is not severe but slows me down. Besides, I took my crutch in the store and feel like a crimpled. Not that I care, I actually am injured and have never had as much compassion for the handicapped people as now.
But as much as I was uplifted yesterday after therapy, I am now cautious again.
After lunch, I walk again, ice my knee, and do more dangles of my knee. Since the kitchen timer is too far from where I sit, I count up to fifty for extensions and 60 for flexions.
Later I will do my second round of exercises.
I know there is improvement and I keep reminding myself of two young women I saw at the surgeon’s office and at the physical therapy facility. The first one came for her appointment wearing her leg brace but left the office running, the brace tucked under her arm, a big smile on her face. The second one is a frequent figure at the therapy. She doesn’t wear her brace anymore but leaves with a pack of ice on her knee before driving away. While I do my exercises, she does hers. In her tight shorts and tiny socks, her legs are muscular and tanned. Her knees are strong and beautiful. She jumps and stretches, she bikes and squats.
I keep thinking of both girls to remind myself that one day I’ll be both of them.
I manage to walk to the kitchen and ice my knee, buried under a fleece blanket. It’s 8:00 a.m. and I want to go to bed but I won’t do it.
My husband makes me breakfast and I take a shower. I do my series of exercises and I check my e-mail before going to town for some grocery shopping. I accompany my husband for a little while and decide to wait at the Peet’s café. The pain in the back of my leg is not severe but slows me down. Besides, I took my crutch in the store and feel like a crimpled. Not that I care, I actually am injured and have never had as much compassion for the handicapped people as now.
But as much as I was uplifted yesterday after therapy, I am now cautious again.
After lunch, I walk again, ice my knee, and do more dangles of my knee. Since the kitchen timer is too far from where I sit, I count up to fifty for extensions and 60 for flexions.
Later I will do my second round of exercises.
I know there is improvement and I keep reminding myself of two young women I saw at the surgeon’s office and at the physical therapy facility. The first one came for her appointment wearing her leg brace but left the office running, the brace tucked under her arm, a big smile on her face. The second one is a frequent figure at the therapy. She doesn’t wear her brace anymore but leaves with a pack of ice on her knee before driving away. While I do my exercises, she does hers. In her tight shorts and tiny socks, her legs are muscular and tanned. Her knees are strong and beautiful. She jumps and stretches, she bikes and squats.
I keep thinking of both girls to remind myself that one day I’ll be both of them.
Monday, February 14, 2011
February 14th, 2011
Happy Valentine’s Day!
I won’t dance tonight although I feel ecstatic after therapy. I can walk without a crutch! The therapy room is a great place for commiseration and encouragement. I leave hopeful to walk again soon.
As a strange reminder of how difficult first steps are, I watch old videos of my children when they were so little I was a constant presence in their lives. My youngest daughter keeps falling down and keeps standing up. How tiring a young life is when walking takes so much energy!
This is the picture I take to bed with me tonight. Walking on our two feet is what makes us humans and loosing it is loosing dignity and independence. Young kids understand it when I see my daughter’s young determination and will as she makes one step, falls and then grips the sofa to try again, and again and again.
I won’t dance tonight although I feel ecstatic after therapy. I can walk without a crutch! The therapy room is a great place for commiseration and encouragement. I leave hopeful to walk again soon.
As a strange reminder of how difficult first steps are, I watch old videos of my children when they were so little I was a constant presence in their lives. My youngest daughter keeps falling down and keeps standing up. How tiring a young life is when walking takes so much energy!
This is the picture I take to bed with me tonight. Walking on our two feet is what makes us humans and loosing it is loosing dignity and independence. Young kids understand it when I see my daughter’s young determination and will as she makes one step, falls and then grips the sofa to try again, and again and again.
Saturday, February 12, 2011
February 13th, 2011
Better day with five hours of sleep. Beautiful weather today again. I read the Sunday paper on the porch after taking my sixteen-year-old daughter on a road drive. She wants to get her license before the summer. We have a coffee in town and I feel almost normal. I definitely make a few steps without a crutch. The dangle of my knee is still hard for the bending part.
February 12th, 2011
Terrible night. The blend of exercises and the surgery make my leg ache all night long.
I see the hours go by and I finally stand up at 7:00 a.m. On a Saturday morning. What’s wrong with that?
My husband and my daughter will be away today, and I’m staying home with my son who has some homework to do.
I do my exercises, some icing and drink a good cup of coffee. Right after the surgery, I couldn’t stand coffee at all. I guess this is also improvement this return to familiarity. I miss my weekly long walk with my friend Wanda. I’ve stopped counting how many walks I’ve missed.
The good news is that an agent has asked to see one of my middle grade novels. It gives me hope.
This afternoon, I will do another session of exercises and try to walk a few steps. I will help my son to finish his English project.
Also the weather is gorgeous and we have lunch outside. Something I love to do as much as possible before the heat of the summer forces us inside.
I miss my life from before when everything was easy to do. My body has failed me and it is a hard thing to accept. But I see improvement and I trust the physical therapy to give me back my strength and confidence.
If only it could be done in a few weeks instead of a few months.
I see the hours go by and I finally stand up at 7:00 a.m. On a Saturday morning. What’s wrong with that?
My husband and my daughter will be away today, and I’m staying home with my son who has some homework to do.
I do my exercises, some icing and drink a good cup of coffee. Right after the surgery, I couldn’t stand coffee at all. I guess this is also improvement this return to familiarity. I miss my weekly long walk with my friend Wanda. I’ve stopped counting how many walks I’ve missed.
The good news is that an agent has asked to see one of my middle grade novels. It gives me hope.
This afternoon, I will do another session of exercises and try to walk a few steps. I will help my son to finish his English project.
Also the weather is gorgeous and we have lunch outside. Something I love to do as much as possible before the heat of the summer forces us inside.
I miss my life from before when everything was easy to do. My body has failed me and it is a hard thing to accept. But I see improvement and I trust the physical therapy to give me back my strength and confidence.
If only it could be done in a few weeks instead of a few months.
Friday, February 11, 2011
February 11th, 2011
Second physical therapy. I feel so much better after. I did all the exercises, most of them are designed to regain muscle strength in the ankle, calf and tight. And for course, the dreaded ones are the dangle of the knee which is always scary since I feel some strong resistance when I want to bend my knee. I have regained more flexibility in the extension of my leg and although I still place a rolled towel under my knee to help when I want to press down, I feel like it can straighten almost all the way.
The therapist told me that my body is resisting the new ligament, which although not new, is new to my knee. The normal action of the body is to oppose this new element. My job is to ease the tension and to make the ligament part of my body. Like a new rubber band that needs to be broken, but not snapped. It seemed easier to be pregnant.
I walk more fluidly with my crutch which is good. I can bear weight on my leg. I can even walk a few steps without my crutch.
I suppose this is called improvement.
The therapist told me that my body is resisting the new ligament, which although not new, is new to my knee. The normal action of the body is to oppose this new element. My job is to ease the tension and to make the ligament part of my body. Like a new rubber band that needs to be broken, but not snapped. It seemed easier to be pregnant.
I walk more fluidly with my crutch which is good. I can bear weight on my leg. I can even walk a few steps without my crutch.
I suppose this is called improvement.
Thursday, February 10, 2011
February 10th, 2011
Today marks the day my stitches were removed, a week after surgery.
It is time to list my accomplishments, my set backs and my goals.
1- I can do my exercises twice a day with more ease each time
2- I can walk with one crutch and do a few steps without
3- I can step in the shower without help
4- I can ice my knee alone
5- I regained muscles in my thigh
6- I only took 5 Vicodin since the surgery and tucked the bottle away
7- I dress every day although it is mostly sport gear which is unusual for me
8- I make my breakfast
9- I run laundry
10- I unload the dishwasher and put the dishes away
11- I feel sad once in a while when I see the great outdoors waiting for me, my garden that needs me and so many things I used to do without thinking
12- My goal number one is to reduce the swelling
13- My goal number two is to walk without crutches or at least to reach a fluid walk
14- My other goals will follow since I will have more mobility and agility without any crutches
Yesterday was my first physical therapy after surgery. I left reassured and encouraged. First of all, I was told to be careful. Now is the time for the new ligament to establish its roots if I can say and it is crucial to limit myself if I’m in pain.
Bending the knee should be done until I feel pain.
Extending the leg is encouraged.
The swelling has to go and has almost totally vanished although around my knee and my ankle, I still feel some.
I am encouraged to challenge myself but again to be cautious.
I did some dangle of my knee, some straight leg raise, several exercises to work the hamstring and the calf. I got the usual ice treatment for 15 minutes. I was freezing cold and need to remember to bring a fleece for next time.
I have 9 appointments scheduled until mid March, which is when I see the surgeon again, and a list of exercises to do twice a day. I have done them this morning and will them again this afternoon.
I need to ice my knee 5 to 6 times a day which is far more that what I have done after the stitches were removed.
I feel better every day, more confident and in less pain. It’s still a long road but it looks less bumpy than it was before my first physical therapy session.
It is time to list my accomplishments, my set backs and my goals.
1- I can do my exercises twice a day with more ease each time
2- I can walk with one crutch and do a few steps without
3- I can step in the shower without help
4- I can ice my knee alone
5- I regained muscles in my thigh
6- I only took 5 Vicodin since the surgery and tucked the bottle away
7- I dress every day although it is mostly sport gear which is unusual for me
8- I make my breakfast
9- I run laundry
10- I unload the dishwasher and put the dishes away
11- I feel sad once in a while when I see the great outdoors waiting for me, my garden that needs me and so many things I used to do without thinking
12- My goal number one is to reduce the swelling
13- My goal number two is to walk without crutches or at least to reach a fluid walk
14- My other goals will follow since I will have more mobility and agility without any crutches
Yesterday was my first physical therapy after surgery. I left reassured and encouraged. First of all, I was told to be careful. Now is the time for the new ligament to establish its roots if I can say and it is crucial to limit myself if I’m in pain.
Bending the knee should be done until I feel pain.
Extending the leg is encouraged.
The swelling has to go and has almost totally vanished although around my knee and my ankle, I still feel some.
I am encouraged to challenge myself but again to be cautious.
I did some dangle of my knee, some straight leg raise, several exercises to work the hamstring and the calf. I got the usual ice treatment for 15 minutes. I was freezing cold and need to remember to bring a fleece for next time.
I have 9 appointments scheduled until mid March, which is when I see the surgeon again, and a list of exercises to do twice a day. I have done them this morning and will them again this afternoon.
I need to ice my knee 5 to 6 times a day which is far more that what I have done after the stitches were removed.
I feel better every day, more confident and in less pain. It’s still a long road but it looks less bumpy than it was before my first physical therapy session.
Wednesday, February 9, 2011
February 9th, 2011
Nights follow each other with the same amount of discomfort. This is not truly pain but heaviness and warmth that wake me up every hour or so. I try hard to avoid moving so I catch up some sleep and moreover allow my husband some deserved rest.
I have been such a good sleeper so far. Sleep actually has been my best friend to regain strength after my four deliveries and my life with four little kids and a busy hardworking husband. I have rarely been sick. And I know it’s because my nights were restful.
Now, I fight to find a comfortable position and I see the red digits of the clock trickling minutes as I shift my weight from left side to right side.
I drift on and off until 8:00 am and stand up. Amazingly comfort reaches me almost instantly as if being on my feet was the only thing my leg wants.
The swelling is mostly gone but I notice a yellow/green spot on the inside of my calf as if there was some bruising there. My left foot is okay but slightly swollen if I compare with my slender right foot. Same with my ankle. My left foot sometimes feels either cold or warm. It looks like a blood circulation issue. Is it a good idea to elevate the leg at night? I’ve done it for seven straight days and was looking forward to a normal position.
So many questions! That’s why I started to blog about my knee. I wish I had answers to the questions that bump into my head. Perhaps when everything is over, I will laugh at them. But maybe one day, someone will go through the same injury and find help through my own experience. Today that’s what I’d like. To talk with a woman or man who had ACL reconstruction and share my concerns. I would gladly listen to personal tips and encouragement.
Days go by and I check the calendar with fear. Will I be on my two feet and able to tie my shoes easily by June? Will I be able to walk to the top of my driveway? When will I be able to vacuum? When will I climb the stairs? When will I drive? Will I be able to walk on the beach this summer in Maine? Will I be able to join my family on a boat ride? Will I be able to rake the leaves on the hill and help to remodel the little blue house we purchased last summer in Maine?
And the question that keeps bugging me: when will I hike?
I have been such a good sleeper so far. Sleep actually has been my best friend to regain strength after my four deliveries and my life with four little kids and a busy hardworking husband. I have rarely been sick. And I know it’s because my nights were restful.
Now, I fight to find a comfortable position and I see the red digits of the clock trickling minutes as I shift my weight from left side to right side.
I drift on and off until 8:00 am and stand up. Amazingly comfort reaches me almost instantly as if being on my feet was the only thing my leg wants.
The swelling is mostly gone but I notice a yellow/green spot on the inside of my calf as if there was some bruising there. My left foot is okay but slightly swollen if I compare with my slender right foot. Same with my ankle. My left foot sometimes feels either cold or warm. It looks like a blood circulation issue. Is it a good idea to elevate the leg at night? I’ve done it for seven straight days and was looking forward to a normal position.
So many questions! That’s why I started to blog about my knee. I wish I had answers to the questions that bump into my head. Perhaps when everything is over, I will laugh at them. But maybe one day, someone will go through the same injury and find help through my own experience. Today that’s what I’d like. To talk with a woman or man who had ACL reconstruction and share my concerns. I would gladly listen to personal tips and encouragement.
Days go by and I check the calendar with fear. Will I be on my two feet and able to tie my shoes easily by June? Will I be able to walk to the top of my driveway? When will I be able to vacuum? When will I climb the stairs? When will I drive? Will I be able to walk on the beach this summer in Maine? Will I be able to join my family on a boat ride? Will I be able to rake the leaves on the hill and help to remodel the little blue house we purchased last summer in Maine?
And the question that keeps bugging me: when will I hike?
Tuesday, February 8, 2011
February 8th, 2011
Horrible night. I wish I had another bed downstairs so my husband could sleep. I can’t have my knee quiet for more than an hour and a half or so. I have to switch position and they are limited. Sleeping on my stomach, which is my favorite way, is hard since it hurt my kneecap. So I end up, moving from one position to another until the alarm wakes me up at 6:00 am.
The good news is that I am able to sleep for a couple of hours, elevating my leg on a pillow. I ice my knee and take a shower. I feels better as soon as I’m on my feet which I guess eliminates any risk of clogging.
I am considering seriously this project for a French publishing company. It’s a great way to use French and English at the same time since the books they publish alternate chapters in the two languages. Pretty cool but challenging too.
I dread doing my leg exercises but I will eventually.
Today feels like winter again. Fog rolls in the valley and creeps toward the foothills. In a way, I’m glad since it gives me a good excuse to be inside.
I still miss my knee but I can see how people get used to an okay situation. After all, although I am limited in my whereabouts, I manage to move around and do a few things. A few more weeks and I would be afraid to accept my fate. I don’t know if it’s good or not to accept our limits. So far I have been good at pushing myself to regain strength. I remember each of my post partum and how I started abs and light exercise shortly after giving birth in order to regain fitness. I was good at it. I was also in my early 30s. It seems so much harder now that I am 50. Fear is a factor too so I hope my first physical therapy session will break the circle. I trust the MPT who took care of my pre surgery prep work. I’m sure he’ll provide good tips to encourage me to take risks without risk.
The good news is that I am able to sleep for a couple of hours, elevating my leg on a pillow. I ice my knee and take a shower. I feels better as soon as I’m on my feet which I guess eliminates any risk of clogging.
I am considering seriously this project for a French publishing company. It’s a great way to use French and English at the same time since the books they publish alternate chapters in the two languages. Pretty cool but challenging too.
I dread doing my leg exercises but I will eventually.
Today feels like winter again. Fog rolls in the valley and creeps toward the foothills. In a way, I’m glad since it gives me a good excuse to be inside.
I still miss my knee but I can see how people get used to an okay situation. After all, although I am limited in my whereabouts, I manage to move around and do a few things. A few more weeks and I would be afraid to accept my fate. I don’t know if it’s good or not to accept our limits. So far I have been good at pushing myself to regain strength. I remember each of my post partum and how I started abs and light exercise shortly after giving birth in order to regain fitness. I was good at it. I was also in my early 30s. It seems so much harder now that I am 50. Fear is a factor too so I hope my first physical therapy session will break the circle. I trust the MPT who took care of my pre surgery prep work. I’m sure he’ll provide good tips to encourage me to take risks without risk.
Monday, February 7, 2011
February 7th, 2011
A much better night with even a moment of no pain at all which was weird. I forgot I was hurt and bent my knee. Oops! It hurt!
The day goes back rather comfortably. I start a new bilingual project for a French publisher. I’ve always wanted to try to do that so it’s exciting.
I’m able to do my straight leg raise exercises. Dangle of the knees and quad are tougher but I do them the best I can. Also, I walk with only one crutch. I also remove my leg brace whenever I sit for a while. It helps my skin which had been chaffed since the surgery. With lotion regularly applied I should be fine before bathing suit time arrives. Although today feels like summer with a beautiful warm sun, we are only early February.
I spend some time on the porch and even trim the roses and pinch the dead geraniums with the help of my husband.
I watch the news and an episode of the last ER season. Since my knee accident I see the world of the ill and injured with a different eye. It’s almost if I am hurting with them. And it’s only a movie.
The day goes back rather comfortably. I start a new bilingual project for a French publisher. I’ve always wanted to try to do that so it’s exciting.
I’m able to do my straight leg raise exercises. Dangle of the knees and quad are tougher but I do them the best I can. Also, I walk with only one crutch. I also remove my leg brace whenever I sit for a while. It helps my skin which had been chaffed since the surgery. With lotion regularly applied I should be fine before bathing suit time arrives. Although today feels like summer with a beautiful warm sun, we are only early February.
I spend some time on the porch and even trim the roses and pinch the dead geraniums with the help of my husband.
I watch the news and an episode of the last ER season. Since my knee accident I see the world of the ill and injured with a different eye. It’s almost if I am hurting with them. And it’s only a movie.
Sunday, February 6, 2011
February 6th, 2011
I spent a similar night, sleep cut with bouts of pain that is bearable but keeps me awake before drifting away for another couple of hours. By 6:30 am I’m fully awake but I made the mistake of leaving my brace too far and I don’t want to wake up my husband who needs a good night of sleep. So I wait patiently and dream of better days.
Tough when I stand up around 9. I should not stay in bed that long. My leg feels stiff and I dread my shower. I need a shampoo so I still do it. And I feel better after. The stiffness doesn’t ease much today.
The weather is gorgeous and I spend some time in the lounge chair on the patio. I avoid sun on my leg although I would love to suntan. I read the New York Times Sunday paper and part of a Grisham book. Not a recently published one but I find Grisham a great medicine. Between him and Ken Follett, time goes by fast. Literary critics may dislike the genre but they provide good quality entertainment and isn’t it the number one goal for a writer? Entertain your audience and they want more.
I do my exercises. Easier to do the straight leg raise even if I’m sure my face registers some pain. Impossible to do the quad, with the pressing of the knee down. The dangle of knees relaxes me and I apply my friend Wanda’s tip: breathe in through the nose and exhale through the mouth. She promised less pain, less heart pounding. I try, Wanda, I swear.
My goal is to walk as fluidly as possible with only one crutch when I show up to my first physical therapy on Wednesday afternoon. Also if I could master my three exercises, that would be great.
Tomorrow is another day, right?
Tough when I stand up around 9. I should not stay in bed that long. My leg feels stiff and I dread my shower. I need a shampoo so I still do it. And I feel better after. The stiffness doesn’t ease much today.
The weather is gorgeous and I spend some time in the lounge chair on the patio. I avoid sun on my leg although I would love to suntan. I read the New York Times Sunday paper and part of a Grisham book. Not a recently published one but I find Grisham a great medicine. Between him and Ken Follett, time goes by fast. Literary critics may dislike the genre but they provide good quality entertainment and isn’t it the number one goal for a writer? Entertain your audience and they want more.
I do my exercises. Easier to do the straight leg raise even if I’m sure my face registers some pain. Impossible to do the quad, with the pressing of the knee down. The dangle of knees relaxes me and I apply my friend Wanda’s tip: breathe in through the nose and exhale through the mouth. She promised less pain, less heart pounding. I try, Wanda, I swear.
My goal is to walk as fluidly as possible with only one crutch when I show up to my first physical therapy on Wednesday afternoon. Also if I could master my three exercises, that would be great.
Tomorrow is another day, right?
Saturday, February 5, 2011
February 5th, 2011
Although I wake up every two hours with heaviness and tightness in my left leg, I’ve slept better. Between the healing of the scars and the loss of muscle, my exercises are hard to accomplish. But I am able to make crepes for my kids since I missed the Chandeleur on Groundhog Day. It is so nice to see them happy and thankful. They have always enjoyed crepes.
Also my second accomplishment, even better maybe, is that I have been using only one crutch to walk around.
I order clothes and shoes for my daughter online. I’m a store kind of person and I rarely do online shopping but it’s a fun experience with a teenage girl who lives so much of her life online. I may even do it for beauty products. I feel like investing in a few face lotions to boost my spirits.
We spend a nice evening around a good dinner and then a movie. I’m able to stay away from my leg brace and relax my leg.
So I suppose it has been a good day.
Also my second accomplishment, even better maybe, is that I have been using only one crutch to walk around.
I order clothes and shoes for my daughter online. I’m a store kind of person and I rarely do online shopping but it’s a fun experience with a teenage girl who lives so much of her life online. I may even do it for beauty products. I feel like investing in a few face lotions to boost my spirits.
We spend a nice evening around a good dinner and then a movie. I’m able to stay away from my leg brace and relax my leg.
So I suppose it has been a good day.
Friday, February 4, 2011
February 4th, 2011
Better night so this is a good start for a sunny weekend. But my major obstacle is that I can’t walk without the crutches. I’m so worried that I call the physical therapist who took my pre surgery preparation under his care. He reassures me that it’s normal. What a nice word to hear when everything else fails. Then, he gives me a set of three exercises to do before we meet on Wednesday.
The first one is the worst. It’s the quad exercise that is designed to help the thigh muscle to regain strength. You do it by pressing your injured knee down to the surface where you work (I use my daughter’s narrow and hard bed. Poor thing, she has complained about it for a while. In fact, it is a perfect rehab bed). No offense but I’m someone who squat without a blink. Now, my injured leg is so weak that I can’t feel the contraction of any muscle.
Then, my usual favorite: the straight leg raise. It hurt like hell when I start. Actually, I can’t even do it and have to use my hand to lift my leg to begin. Then, it gets better. That one, I think I can master before Wednesday.
The last exercise is the dangle of the knee. Imagine you are at the pool and you dip your feet in the turquoise water. What a nice feeling, isn’t it? The image conjures pleasure, relaxation, fun, right? Do it with a swollen knee and a weak muscle and you get a slightly different picture.
So, this is my weekend program. Exciting, isn’t it? I’m kidding. I’m glad the accident is behind me, I’m glad the pre surgery and the surgery are behind me too. What’s left now is the post operation work which I already knew would be hard. But, it’s always like that.
Us, human beings, we hear things and think we have processed them until we are actually living them.
And that, my friend, is where we find ourselves. Often, less brave and more cautious than we thought we would be. Sometimes bolder and more daring than we expected to be.
I miss my knee when I never thought of it. I miss my strength when I took it for just a normal reward since I am an active person.
Once in a while, I wonder if there was anything I could have done to avoid this set back. Not skiing that day? I would be on two feet today. But again, it was one of the most perfect days I ever lived and just for the mountain picture like scenery, and the thrill of skiing down the slope, feeling the sun and the wind on my face and sweat down my back, I’m glad I skied.
Especially if ski season is forever over for me.
The first one is the worst. It’s the quad exercise that is designed to help the thigh muscle to regain strength. You do it by pressing your injured knee down to the surface where you work (I use my daughter’s narrow and hard bed. Poor thing, she has complained about it for a while. In fact, it is a perfect rehab bed). No offense but I’m someone who squat without a blink. Now, my injured leg is so weak that I can’t feel the contraction of any muscle.
Then, my usual favorite: the straight leg raise. It hurt like hell when I start. Actually, I can’t even do it and have to use my hand to lift my leg to begin. Then, it gets better. That one, I think I can master before Wednesday.
The last exercise is the dangle of the knee. Imagine you are at the pool and you dip your feet in the turquoise water. What a nice feeling, isn’t it? The image conjures pleasure, relaxation, fun, right? Do it with a swollen knee and a weak muscle and you get a slightly different picture.
So, this is my weekend program. Exciting, isn’t it? I’m kidding. I’m glad the accident is behind me, I’m glad the pre surgery and the surgery are behind me too. What’s left now is the post operation work which I already knew would be hard. But, it’s always like that.
Us, human beings, we hear things and think we have processed them until we are actually living them.
And that, my friend, is where we find ourselves. Often, less brave and more cautious than we thought we would be. Sometimes bolder and more daring than we expected to be.
I miss my knee when I never thought of it. I miss my strength when I took it for just a normal reward since I am an active person.
Once in a while, I wonder if there was anything I could have done to avoid this set back. Not skiing that day? I would be on two feet today. But again, it was one of the most perfect days I ever lived and just for the mountain picture like scenery, and the thrill of skiing down the slope, feeling the sun and the wind on my face and sweat down my back, I’m glad I skied.
Especially if ski season is forever over for me.
Thursday, February 3, 2011
February 3rd, 2011
The BIG Day has come!
I see the surgeon at 3:30 pm to remove my stitches. Then, the big question is when do I start physical therapy? I’m anxious to see my leg. No doubt, it will be white and hairy. I remember my sister’s arm and my daughters’ leg and arms after they broke them. Not a pretty sight.
Then, I wonder if, like a baby who tries her first steps, I will be hesitant and ignorant of what’s expected from me? Or worst, is it possible to forget how to walk on two feet?
For the special occasion, I treat myself to a sponge bath (don’t laugh) and a shampoo (my husband also the gourmet chef helps me tremendously. Thank you!). Then, I dress in real clothes: loose summer pants (the same ones I took after the surgery), a long sleeve blue tee shirt and one of my favorite polka dot scarf (A favorite French women’s accessory). I was getting tired of my bathrobe and my dirty hair.
I miss the sun that has been with us for days now. Through the window I see the tip of the daffodils I planted late fall. I need to trim so much in the garden. I wonder if I will be able to bend my knee. The therapist said I will have about the 70% mobility I had when I saw him first, compared to 115% just before surgery.
For the first time of my life, I am aware of the limits of a body.
It is said that what matters is inside. Well, it may be true but a healthy body guarantees a positive attitude toward life. In my limited body, I feel vulnerable and sometimes bitter. I know it’s all my fault and nobody should feel more responsible than me but being in pain and anxious about my future has changed me.
Today I want to think for the best. I’ll be more grateful for my general health. I’ll be thankful that for 50 years I haven’t had any serious issue.
Probably that in a few weeks or months, I will forget again how lucky I am, because after all, human beings are made that way. Resilient and forgetful.
At the surgeon’s office, a nurse removes my leg brace, then the ice pad, the white stocking that wrapped all of my leg and then the bandages and cotton pad on and around my knee. My leg, naked and weak, seems to belong to someone else. She cleans most of the mess, telling me that I can now take a shower. The healing is looking good, she says. Some of the entry points are even already healed. She removes the stitches and puts some bandages that can be wet and will fall apart in about seven days.
Then the PA I saw the first time returns and readjusts my brace. He says I can start physical therapy right away. I can also walk without the crutches but I can keep them for the first couple of days. I feel much lighter but also fragile. I hesitate to put any weight on my leg and saunters with my crutches outside.
At home, I clean the rest of the mess on my leg and my foot that had been kept in a long tight white sock for seven days. Yuck!
I’m still on Iboprufen for three more weeks. The dose is massive but considering the swelling of the leg, it must be necessary.
Then I call the therapy office hoping to get a first session tomorrow but their earliest opening is Wednesday so Wednesday it is.
They will start easy on you, the PA promised. I’m relieved since tonight I feel lighter but not really on top of my shape.
What a bummer for someone like me who could climb the stairs dozens a time per day without even thinking of it.
The therapy is scheduled for 5 weeks, twice a week, another checkup by the surgeon and again therapy for about 3 months, 3 months and a half.
I count backwards now, praying for the recover to be fast. I don’t want to jeopardize everyone’s deserved summer vacation.
But hope is on its way and I know it’s only patience and will that in the end win so I suck it up and dream of summer.
I see the surgeon at 3:30 pm to remove my stitches. Then, the big question is when do I start physical therapy? I’m anxious to see my leg. No doubt, it will be white and hairy. I remember my sister’s arm and my daughters’ leg and arms after they broke them. Not a pretty sight.
Then, I wonder if, like a baby who tries her first steps, I will be hesitant and ignorant of what’s expected from me? Or worst, is it possible to forget how to walk on two feet?
For the special occasion, I treat myself to a sponge bath (don’t laugh) and a shampoo (my husband also the gourmet chef helps me tremendously. Thank you!). Then, I dress in real clothes: loose summer pants (the same ones I took after the surgery), a long sleeve blue tee shirt and one of my favorite polka dot scarf (A favorite French women’s accessory). I was getting tired of my bathrobe and my dirty hair.
I miss the sun that has been with us for days now. Through the window I see the tip of the daffodils I planted late fall. I need to trim so much in the garden. I wonder if I will be able to bend my knee. The therapist said I will have about the 70% mobility I had when I saw him first, compared to 115% just before surgery.
For the first time of my life, I am aware of the limits of a body.
It is said that what matters is inside. Well, it may be true but a healthy body guarantees a positive attitude toward life. In my limited body, I feel vulnerable and sometimes bitter. I know it’s all my fault and nobody should feel more responsible than me but being in pain and anxious about my future has changed me.
Today I want to think for the best. I’ll be more grateful for my general health. I’ll be thankful that for 50 years I haven’t had any serious issue.
Probably that in a few weeks or months, I will forget again how lucky I am, because after all, human beings are made that way. Resilient and forgetful.
At the surgeon’s office, a nurse removes my leg brace, then the ice pad, the white stocking that wrapped all of my leg and then the bandages and cotton pad on and around my knee. My leg, naked and weak, seems to belong to someone else. She cleans most of the mess, telling me that I can now take a shower. The healing is looking good, she says. Some of the entry points are even already healed. She removes the stitches and puts some bandages that can be wet and will fall apart in about seven days.
Then the PA I saw the first time returns and readjusts my brace. He says I can start physical therapy right away. I can also walk without the crutches but I can keep them for the first couple of days. I feel much lighter but also fragile. I hesitate to put any weight on my leg and saunters with my crutches outside.
At home, I clean the rest of the mess on my leg and my foot that had been kept in a long tight white sock for seven days. Yuck!
I’m still on Iboprufen for three more weeks. The dose is massive but considering the swelling of the leg, it must be necessary.
Then I call the therapy office hoping to get a first session tomorrow but their earliest opening is Wednesday so Wednesday it is.
They will start easy on you, the PA promised. I’m relieved since tonight I feel lighter but not really on top of my shape.
What a bummer for someone like me who could climb the stairs dozens a time per day without even thinking of it.
The therapy is scheduled for 5 weeks, twice a week, another checkup by the surgeon and again therapy for about 3 months, 3 months and a half.
I count backwards now, praying for the recover to be fast. I don’t want to jeopardize everyone’s deserved summer vacation.
But hope is on its way and I know it’s only patience and will that in the end win so I suck it up and dream of summer.
Wednesday, February 2, 2011
February 2nd, 2011
Awful night compared to a pretty good evening. I can’t stand the pressure around my knee during the night and I had to pop a Vicodin around 3:00 a.m. The last one was the night before around the same time. I’d like to avoid it since it makes me drowsier the following day but it helps to catch a couple of hours of sleep.
I do my exercises without too much trouble as well as a quick teeth, skin and hair cleaning. Tomorrow is the big day so I will do a shampoo with the help of my husband.
Oh, I also apply a great lotion to my feet. Feels good.
I submit a story for a contest and answer my e-mail. I listen to my NPR story after lunch. I like it. It will air on March 22. I hope for some feedback from the agent I approached yesterday. Sometimes, they can be very fast.
My life is slow and diminished and I’m so impatient to return to its fast pace although I’m aware it won’t happen overnight. Still, if the night pain is bearable, I’ll be glad.
I can’t wait to put real clothes on. I promise my daughter to take her shopping as soon as I can walk on my two feet, even with a leg brace, I don’t care.
More than anything, I want to feel the wind on my face and the ground under my feet.
I do my exercises without too much trouble as well as a quick teeth, skin and hair cleaning. Tomorrow is the big day so I will do a shampoo with the help of my husband.
Oh, I also apply a great lotion to my feet. Feels good.
I submit a story for a contest and answer my e-mail. I listen to my NPR story after lunch. I like it. It will air on March 22. I hope for some feedback from the agent I approached yesterday. Sometimes, they can be very fast.
My life is slow and diminished and I’m so impatient to return to its fast pace although I’m aware it won’t happen overnight. Still, if the night pain is bearable, I’ll be glad.
I can’t wait to put real clothes on. I promise my daughter to take her shopping as soon as I can walk on my two feet, even with a leg brace, I don’t care.
More than anything, I want to feel the wind on my face and the ground under my feet.
Tuesday, February 1, 2011
February 1st, 2011
The night was long and tough. My knee doesn’t hurt as much but my leg feels like a bar of iron. The pressure underneath the cast builds up sometimes to the point where I believe it will explode. I took one Vicodin around 2:00 a.m. since I kept shifting the weight and waking up my husband.
Although I slept after, I have no idea if it’s better or nor to take the pain killers.
Breakfast and moment of discouragement. But then I force myself and brush my teeth, wash my face and comb my hair. I put a bathrobe on and haven’t been in bed or on the sofa since ten o’clock.
I work on my blog and submit a query to an agent.
I take a break and rest for a little while. My leg is stiff and I hope it is the normal healing process.
Can’t wait for Thursday although I am a little anxious too. Human beings get used to anything and for now I’m used to this kind of pain and dread the next step.
Although I slept after, I have no idea if it’s better or nor to take the pain killers.
Breakfast and moment of discouragement. But then I force myself and brush my teeth, wash my face and comb my hair. I put a bathrobe on and haven’t been in bed or on the sofa since ten o’clock.
I work on my blog and submit a query to an agent.
I take a break and rest for a little while. My leg is stiff and I hope it is the normal healing process.
Can’t wait for Thursday although I am a little anxious too. Human beings get used to anything and for now I’m used to this kind of pain and dread the next step.
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